I will paste my feedback for my Concept Development document below.
The opening few sentences of your document are very good — they’re entertaining and they provide a good sense of context for your project and the document. What you don’t do so well in the document is set out the terms of reference for the discussion that will follow, you just continue straight into the discussion. Remember what we said in class? Use the introduction to tell the reader what you’re about to tell them!
I don’t think that it’s a good idea to list the books that you’ve cited in the proposal in the text itself. Isn’t this what a reference section is for? Better, I think to introduce the main theories and concepts, and provide examples and/or case studies that explore their use in practice. Having presented the list, you don’t really go on to explore the key ideas, you just note that Chion is the best, and move on to your case studies.
Similarly, although you highlight what your case studies will be, you don’t then actually go on to analyse them here. You provide links to the blog post you wrote about it, so the material is ready — why didn’t you incorporate it into the document?
It’s not a bad attempt, but I was really looking for more than just an overview here. “
I am a bit disappointed here as all of the feedback is very accurate, and I feel like I agree with it all. Which means I could have had a better grade if I put in a bit more effort at the time. Everything that has been said has been taken into consideration and I appreciate that this is all great feedback that I can work upon.